enduranceiswadineed

2007-02-14T00:57:00.000-08:00

it's kind of sad
when one is lost.
im not sad.
i'm just
devastated.

some very unhappy stuffs happened today.
it's alright
just kill me
then all these things wouldnt happen.
all my fault.
all mine.
sorry.
never seen her like this before
screaming her heads off
i could tell she was really stressed up
throwing her phone on the floor
crying and wailing like a helpless child
but sigh.
it's alright.
i understand.
and i love you.
even though i dont say anything
it doesnt mean i feel nothing at all.

have been frustrating over another issue this whole night
until now
maybe later
maybe i cant even sleep.
sigh.
please please please dont ask me that question tomorrowwwww
i'll pull ur hair
i'll. sigh. i dont know what i'ld do.
please.
don't ask me.

sigh.
whatever.
told you guys to get me out of my life already right
and i promise i'll bless you with good health upstairs (:

2007-02-12T22:10:00.000-08:00

feeling so pissed off now.

none of them was real.

2007-02-09T20:35:00.000-08:00

seniors took their 'o' level results today.
i was very worried for them.
and now it's all over
i'm very worried for myself
i wonder how well would i do
and i'm really very scared right now
shall go and study very soon.

just came back from training.
hands aching, especially the right.
rifle drill wasnt tough because we learnt before
still
it was soo freaking heavy and we had to lift it up several times for around 45 min
wadever it is
still enjoyed the training.

very scared.

2007-02-07T22:49:00.000-08:00

Listen, to the song here in my heart
A melody I start but cant complete
Listen, to the sound from deep within
It's only beginning to find release

Oh the time has come for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own all 'cause you wont listen
Listen, I am alone at a crossroad
I'm not at home in my own home

And I've tried and tried to say whats on my mind
You should have known
Now I'm done believing you
You dont know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what you made of me

I followed the voice you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
You should have listened
There is someone here inside
Someone I thought had died so long ago

Oh Im screaming out and my dream to be heard
They will not be pushed aside or burned
Into your own all 'cause you won't listen
Listen, I am alone at a crossroad
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried to say whats on my mind
You should have know

Oh now I''m done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you gave to me
But now i've gotta find my own

(bridge)
I don't know where I belong
But I'll be moving on
If you don't, If you won't
Listen, to the song here in my heart
A melody I started
But I will complete

Now i'm done believing you
You dont know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you think you gave to me
But now I gotta find my own
My ooown

action speaks louder than words.
go away la you annoying arsehole.

2007-02-06T23:38:00.001-08:00

don't say you love me
if you don't even know me.

dont need changing who you are
to be who somebody wants you to be
nobody's got to belong to nobody.

2007-02-06T05:04:00.001-08:00

mm. npdp G.O.H. everybody got in! BEL, dont worry. you are very selfless one okay! i will always support youuuuuu. rather than her. urgh. so bad. but still, you made the right choice! (:

pe tomorrow. standing broad jump. i cant jump la please. if i can get at least a 160cm, i would be over the moon already. over the moon, over myself. -.-'' haha. feel so tired. npdp training starts this friday. all the way until after i pass out. mm so last friday was actually the last training i had with the juniors. CIs will take over that squad from this friday onwards. mm. sad.

one of the very few procrastinators out there.
just take me awayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

you don't even know me.

and i'm just really, really.
sleep before i go school
sleep after i reach home
wake up eat
blog
sleep.
don't wanna do my homework.

everybody's sad.
everything's falling out of place in this torturous world of mine
and i dont really feel like living
yeah.
we are just tourists of this world
soon we'll just disappear
and for those who's suffering on earth
it'll only be for a short while
because soon we'll back to somewhere
we originally belonged.
but somehow
i can't pull through this
though it's only for a very short while.

2007-02-06T05:01:00.001-08:00

2007-02-05T22:03:00.000-08:00

yanyee, im writing in italics just for you.

okay. went school today. it was such a bad bad day. or maybe i'm just not used to the stress teachers always give in school. ran 1.6km, and it almost killed everyone alright. screwed ss and physics tests. got back my chem practical and theory papers. what else.

aha. im having headache!! just went for chemistry tuition with jolene. tsk. the teacher spoke like a choo choo train, even faster than nph. sigh. whateverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

we'll pull through this.

2007-02-03T21:23:00.000-08:00

mm. gonna pass out real soon. 2 more months? haha.
thinking of those times.
when we were in sec1.
the sec5s were so fierce
went to have bonding session in miss lim ming kiat's homeroom
most of the sec5s were my tkd friends
but yeah.

went to the carpark and learnt basic drills
sediya and senang diri
in number 1 and 2.
haha.
everybody was so quiet
perhaps i was shy
lol
cynthia and jolene were rather popular then.
ug camp - bad.
grouped with bernice, atiqa, and rowena ma'am, and sara tan ma'am.
rowena ma'am felt really stressed
and so she stressed us, the juniors
haha.
jacqueline ma'am was always the role model for a very nice half-squad position.
afraid of rowena ma'am that time,
very.
lydia, the best camper (:
prize-giving done at the podium there, still remember?
lydia was so cute (:
valarie ma'am and sec5s took us for all those trainings
and i learned the turning drills inside-out 'cause of her (:
our squad were fast-learners.
learnt baton drill during sec1.
almost could take part in the coming passing out parade in july
but yeah.
(:

started clique-ing with jolene, cynthia and atiqa.
also dunoe what brought us together
if you ask me
couldnt remember.
end of year trip to perth
also dunoe what happened there.
during graduation party
didn't cry at all
'cause wasn't really close to seniors yet.
badminton competition
hahahahhaa.
peisi, atiqa, me and huimin sat in mr pang's car
and we forced atiqa to sit in the front sit.
haa.
TEACHER'S DAY DANCE.
together with my squadmates and some juniors and seniors.
lol.
the song was ''upside-down''
-.-''
but yeah.
promoted to lance corporal.
that was sec1.

after pop and before e next year's pop
adeline lau ma'am was our training co-ordinator.
she was approachable
and always talked sense into us
of course, we also learned a lot from samantha ma'am and siti ma'am.
(:
ug camp was slightly better
best camper.
given a carribena (is it spelt like that) and a ferrero roche
yay.
but it wasn't that good either
got to lead those sec1 juniors
mm wombat got the best group (:
i was in tolerance, and the people were nice yeah
cindy , adeline, penny blah blah..
oh yeeah.
i had an apple hair that time
cute yeah? -.-''
trained for passing-out-parade.
admired pea shermaine
'cause her commands were really nice
and desiree's too
and of course, mallory's too la.
hehe.

anyway, seniors passed out.
rather sad.
because all of us thought the next batch of ncos was really mean and cruelllllllllllll.
hahaha.
inter-school cheering competition
lol.
got 2nd runner-up.
not bad yeah? (:
inter-cca cheering competition next
hahaa.
BAD.
kayak-ed with them (:
after which, returned to school and celebrated mr pang's birthday.
feezah they all took part in the field-cooking competition
and they got the best-dressed award (:
jolene, together with the seniors, took part in the horizon challenge
CHAMPION (:
promoted to corporal.

atc.
ahha.
baddddd.
couldnt get use to
the very tough trekking
the very dirty toilet
the very short lunch time
the very awkward feeling of socialing with strangers
joey sir was so fierce
had a nice time laughing at his name with lijun.
lol.

jacqueline ma'am's batch took over.
they were so fierce and unreasonable, we always thought
gayathri ma'am especially
but perhaps we were too immature that time
but they could be nice at times
as in, really nice
and i loved them a lot, though some times i was really scared of them (:
after npcc day's service, went back to canteen, and all sec3s and 2s(us) got a really big scolding from adeline ma'am.
and from tht day onwards i always hid or turn ard when i see her
but maybe now, no longer (:
we gave them a lot of trouble, i think (:

orientation.
i was in mini show.
hahahaha
the skit was nice
and i was always the last to wear my shoeeee
and jolene and e rest would just ps meee
still could remember the scene where jieying and jacqueline ma'am was choking fakely on the noodless
yyumm yumm.....

orientation.
was in fancy drill
some conflicts
but got closer to mel
who always wrote me very lame-yet-cute letters
still remembered feezah and her saliva
fancy drill and the tarzan song
consisted of bird, me, feezah, mel and jolene
FEEZAAH AND HER 8 LANGKAHS (:
lol.
i will never forgettt (:

campcraft competition.
took up a lot of our time
nevertheless, our efforts paid off
both teams got into the top ten
my flagstaff team consisted of lydia, lijun and i ((:
we trained a lot
almost everyday
and the training was really bad
and tough
it was stressful, too.
there were times when the flagstaff could just fall when everyone didn't notice
and i missed those times
when roubing ma'am suddenly pressed the horn into rachael ma'am's ear
when roubing ma'am always cut twine for me
e wonderful teamwork
when i would just get my twine 2 seconds later whenever i asked for extension(s).
'' 1 minute PASSED ''
'' why isnt the flagstaff up yet!! "
" EXTENSIONS! "
" what the hell are u doing ''
'' hold this, no, hold that first ''
'' where's my twine! ''
we would always shout.

promoted to sergeant.
ran the ug camp
still remember the first day of camp
when the logistics bernice almost fainted in front of me
when it was only 3pm
when camp just started
haha.
took the ''Training Sec2s'' role during camp
haha.
they were alright la.
((:
took part in LMSC.
lol.
quite nice.
the spider in toilet which scared bel, who thought i was pointing at a ghost
when in fact i saw a spider
HAHAHAHA.
group 3 always rocked (:

syf was even nicer
hahaha.
missed those times
changing on the bus
running to compassvale sec 'cause we were late
eating oreo and drinking milo with amanda
melissa and her unbuttoned shirt
atiqa and her unzipped skirt
jasper sir and his saliva
the disfigured burger by lydia and melissa
the 4 horrible-tasting nuggets
the 5 for $1.05 mineral water which tasted ''mineral-less''
lydia and her ''CONTINGENT 16 FALL-IN!!"
the ducky timing
the blue shirt comical guy
the snatching of cubicles with nan chiau high
the giant and his smell
lol.
took photos with bel and bernice, our wonderful squadmates in no.1 uniform (:

seniors passed out in the hall.
saddeddedededededddddddddddd.
they moulded us
and bonded us
(((:
:((
went for atc.
ahha.
BADDDDDDDDDDDDddDD.
horizon challenge, CHAMPION (:
area games day, last...
ahaha.
shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

took over the unit officially.
sec3 training co-ordinator.
hha.
some of us wanted a change in appointment
but in the end, i still loved my post a lot (:
could tell that the juniors still missed rowena ma'am and some others
but slowly, haha.
i think the situation improved?
no idea.
haha.
and those moments, i won't forget.

promoted to staff sergeant.
combined muster parade.
skip.
promotion ceremony.
sec2s got promoted (:
a bunch of cute people, i can say.

until yesterday, UOPA GOLD.
today, second class.
lol.
bel, jolene, amanda, lydia, lijun, peisi and i went down
tested by yiying ma'am.
everybody was tired i guess
screwed up many timess
and they just couldnt stop vibrating
lol
yiying ma'am too okay.
hahaaaaa.

novel.

2007-02-02T04:53:00.001-08:00

you wouldn't understand.
you didn't want me to explain at all
yeah.
it was just an excuse
perharps you thought i was trying to escape from this trouble
but no.
i was willing to face all e consequences
and the scoldings
it didnt matter..
what mattered was
the prejudice you had towards me;
always.
and those critical remarks of yours
made me feel that there wasnt any need to explain anymore
it was just so tiring
because you always cut-in halfway.

contact lenses. mosturised.

2007-02-01T07:18:00.001-08:00

muster parade tomorrow. -.-'' afraid i'll screw it up. anyway, school was alright today. just that some of my classmates were more stressed out than me. you can see anyone just break down and cry in e middle of a simple test, although it was really simple and basic, nobody knew how to do. *-* only knew how to rush through e syllabus and not even know where's our standard. humph. sigh. almost everyone is collapsing; it's just like their weakeast point in life. 'o' levels is killing everyone!

everyone's busy with their own lives
not that i dont want to talk to you
when i have e time
i dont have e mood
when i have e mood
do we have a subject
do we have something common to talk about.

2007-01-31T01:24:00.001-08:00

the love i want is something which you cant give me that easily.
just simply by unspoken words
and the awkwardness
and the lack of communication
and the shyness in you
make me doubt our relationship
if ever there's gonna be any.

2007-01-30T23:38:00.000-08:00

yay. frisbee is on tomorrow! frisbee is the activity im most looking forward to during curriculum time. yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. but somehow i aint smiling.

and i dont know why.
you idiot, CHEER UP LAH.
if not im not gonna talk to you anymore.

:(

2007-01-28T22:46:00.000-08:00

bored. bored. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

sad.

2007-01-27T08:44:00.001-08:00

haha. i realised that i updated many entries during these 2 days. and melissa's entry was so damn lame. okok. next friday you dont laugh during the CUG muster parade already. lol. i'll try not to look at you just in case i screw up e commands. lol. but ur face was damn funny. and michelle lim jia min's. STOP LAUGHINGGGGG. lol. yay.

baddie signing off.
it's amazing how i want everyone to be alright
but i myself to not live this life anymore.

2007-01-26T20:09:00.001-08:00

you know that i'm talking to you.
you know it...

you didn't reply my sms. so the only way of communication is for me to type an entry for you here. i dont care what others may think but it's just a message from me to you. and nothing else for somebody else to bother.

cheer up.
it's all over and i hope you are alright.
i know that kind of feeling sucks
it's not like i've never been through it before..
have been reading ur post over and over again.
just to realise what a baddie am i
but i'm different from all other baddies
because i care
and hope you are fine.
couldn sleep just because of this
and i dont deserve this special treatment from you
there's nothing nice about me
just a someone who doesnt excel in her studies
someone who cant plan things properly
someone who gives wrong instructions
someone who is so mean to just hurt somebody yesterday
someone who takes teachers for granted
someone who cant make up her mind
someone who just sucks in and out.

yay. i'm the worst thing on earth.

just have a little patience
still hurting from the love i've lost
I'm feeling your frustration that any minute
all the pain will stop
just hold me close inside your arms tonight
don't be too hard on my emotions
Cause I need time
My heart is numb has no feeling
So while I'm still healing
just try and have a little patience

this song explains my feelings right now.
i am sorry for the time being.

2007-01-26T07:30:00.001-08:00

mm i cant sleep.
also never study after i reached home
just on the computer straightaway
and stoned
and started typing rubbish to people like grace, lijun, baobao, yanyong
and seriously i found out that i've got no life
and i cant wait to kill myself
cant wait to drop my subjects
BUT.
i dont want to pass out.
i wanna stay with my sec3 squad.

can't wait to die.
urgh. JUST KILL ME.
dont kill melissa.
kill me FIRST.

SURPRISE?

2007-01-26T06:47:00.000-08:00

i am here to do an emergency operation on this blog. i heard it's stop breathing for a few days. dont worry, i am here to save lives!!!!!!!!!!

OMG. i managed to get in here. wow. i am a hecker(: dont ever change your password okay?

MELISSA HERE! yeah. the cuter one. haha.

okay. i am here for no reason; only for someone, well i dont wanna say who. i dont wanna say who!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that woman or rather girl is nicknamed MOON.

i dont wanna say her name and its not that obvious, is it?

okay. she did many bad things to me today. she broke her promise to me by looking for ______ instead of _____. haha. i forgave her. then i rooted for her with all my heart when she was acting parade commander. or rather the whole parade i was staring at her. haha. she didnt look out of meeee. after parade i was like "wow moon so cool and well prepared" till i heard from cynthia "eh moon want to slap you, she says you make her laugh"

tell me someone, if i could skin off all her feathers.

and she NEVER replies any of my messages or my calls, how pathetic. call her a true blue fan of mikki. when she writes mikki rocks my life all over her SPO and her fullscap.

and she was promoted to staff sergeant! (:

and i enjoy playing frisbee with her, at least she catches my throws, haha jolene! you will improve okay. go go go!

and yeahh. omg. one last thinggggggg. bel i know you will read this okay. dont pretend. (: sorry for not respecting you. maybe we really took you for granted and all by thinking you should know everything, well you do when it comes to maths. out of point!

dont be angry with this idiot okay. i know, okay i dont.

i am not taking sides but yeah. *whines. (:

bellyyyyyyyy!!!!!! please please please.

this woman may be kinda careless or lame at times but i am very sure she wont want to keep it from you purposely. nor accidentally.

moon+me+bel= very good friends. (:

so both parties should just give way. and yeah. we will rock the unit big time like before. uh huh.

YAY! okay. back to business. more about moon, she purposely, this time i swear its on purpose. she keeps calling me cute; ugly indirectly. HAHA. not funny, no one is to laugh okay!

i am trying to upload photos but its not working. see, i told you, blogger the bitch.

okay. anyway. MOON! i hope you had a pleasant surprise witth me around. yeah. you better had. YOU BETTER(:

2007-01-26T05:44:00.001-08:00

it feels nice to be single! (:

2007-01-26T05:04:00.001-08:00

haha. okay. i shall dedicate a post to the sec3 squad.

BOO!
haha. you guys are the best man (:
can see the change in you since the first day when i trained you guys.
the ABC game
those teasing of each other
those sick jokes
those yam-sengs
those last-to-reach-there-is-a-pig
those encouragements
those footdrill times
those changing parade times when we stood there and discovered who were flat
those sick jokes
those balloons during orientation
those cheering-louder-than-the-juniors sessions
those adidas, nike and puma claps
those punishments, how you guys endured
those HTA trips
the letter
the nco camp
the liking-frenzy during nco camp
the matchmaking between gayatri and grace
zhimin's retarded faceee
josephine's wonderful cooking skills
huisei's loud voice and manly timing
ellena's strength and height (helped pioneering put e spar across e two tripods)
hehe.
patricia and her smelly shoes
kongrui and her gadget meal
adeline and her swift fancy drill moves
juliana and her babies
iris and her SWING-AS-HIGH-AS-YOU-WANT skit
grace and her hiding behind the shelter to scare e sec1s during orientation
rachael and her sweet smile and love for npcc
cindy and her diagonal lashings
penny and her red face
and also stephanie with her decisions and kind intentions in heart

YAY.
I LOVE YOU GUYS.
would definitely MISS YOU after POP.
you guys are the cutest littlest things among the monkeys.
haha.
just kidding.
OKAY OKAY.
you guys are the best la okay?
good boy.
gucci. guji.
TAKE CARE PEOPLE (:

2007-01-26T04:34:00.001-08:00

please don't be angry anymore because the feeling really sucked and i swear i really thought you knew... nevermind la. got scolded enough for today. so sick of everything. sigh. dont wanna lose you. i promised i wont do it again. i would ask you first.

if you think i dont even deserve it, why still give it to me.
when you would still go on picking on me
thinking that i had no respect for you
when another teacher said another thing
and seriously why am i being made the messenger
sigh.

you would never understand.
that's why i always see biasness in you towards others.

and to you guys:
you would surely know who i'm referring to.
those who came apologising today.
it aint your fault.
it was mine.
passed down the wrong info.
my fault.
deserved all the scoldings
deserved the lost of respect in you guys.
but it's alright.
already done my best.

but you still keep picking on me.

From underneath the trees, we watch the sky
Confusing stars for satellites
I never dreamed that you'd be mine
But here we are, we're here tonight

Singing Amen, I'm alive
Singing Amen, I'm alive

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We'd see the day when nobody died
And I'm singing

Amen I, I'm alive
Amen I, I'm alive

And in the air the fireflies
Our only light in paradise
We'll show the world they were wrong
And teach them all to sing along

Singing Amen I’m alive
Singing Amen I’m alive

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We'd see the day when nobody died
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We'd see the day when nobody died

And as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We'd see the day when nobody died

We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody died
We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody died
We'd see the day when nobody died

2007-01-24T17:49:00.000-08:00

there's nothing much to say
besides i'm dying each and every day.

2007-01-22T20:25:00.000-08:00

sick of this life.

i wonder how are you. sigh. please take care. maybe you are already fine by now. but i still hope that you are alright. i love you.

2007-01-20T22:04:00.000-08:00

i hope i wasn't the one you were referring to on your blog.

anyway, today was not bad. still having a slight fever. but it's okay. i'm so strong! (: mm. can't wait for muster parade. just pray that i wont screw it up. sighhhhhhhhhh. okay.. i'm feeling SAD :(

everyone's mugging.
and i'm so lazy.
don't just kill melissa alone okay.
kill me first.
:(

anyway, the sec3 squad is so damn lame can. haaaaaaa. go check out their blog.

17 Jan 07, 20:38 hui sei: how's everyone?
20 Jan 07, 17:44 everyone: i'm fine, thanks!

you thought i didn't know what has happened. but i knew. and all the lies you once said just to make me worry, are making me feel worse now. your whole mind is about your boyfriend and not even a single room for your very best friend.

2007-01-19T20:24:00.000-08:00

okay. this wont kill me. just some food poisoning. compared to those stacks of homework and workload from npcc, and also upcoming tests and major exams are worse. lol. but it's okay. i will still survive. many people are sick too. let's see.

the whole of 4faith is counted a lot already. maybe not all. but majority. jolene. bernice. melissa(some times). peisi. lol. yay. everyone let's fall sick together!

skip school!

=.=''

training ended at 4 plus today. before that had orientation debrief. and yah. some miscommunications BUT, it's okay. everything's over now (: and stupid atiqa disturbed me. i'm gonna pull her hair and kick her butt and break her specs on monday.

hehe. just kidding.
so to those sickos, TAKE CARE (:

2007-01-15T22:10:00.000-08:00

acutally i'm online online to send maria my commonwealth essay. but since i'm here i already did some blog-hopping, trying to find out more about people's life and properly hope to update more positive stuffs about my life.

anyway i'm feeling so stress up. first-day of school and there is one whole list of things to do. two tests coming up next week and they are so gonna have me dead. npcc trainings are consecutive for 5 days and i'm so tired. so tired. reached home at 11pm yesterday 'cause.. mm ya. manager hasn't give me the permission to quit yet.

sigh. hope orientation trainings end soon.
so sick of the torture.
rushing everywhere after school
finding spars
finding teachers
finding teacher officers
finding cadets
finding this finding that.

and i lost my chemistry homework. and i have it re-done. LOSING THINGS is the most FRUSTRATING THING because it TAKES UP A LOT OF MY TIME AND ENERGY trying to recap where i've last put it. and i'm so lazy to re-do because I HAVE NO TIME FOR IT.

man. give me a kit-kat. for a break.
if only it's that easy.

2007-01-13T09:45:00.000-08:00

okay i shall learn to be as happy as melissa! yay yay (:

lalala. nth much to blog about. kind of enjoy wasting my life away. ahah. anyway, sort of completed my 1200-1500 word irritating common wealth essay. how irritating could it get. lol. anyway, visit to the supreme court two days ago. it was soooo coolllll i tell you. but a pity we did not get to listen to the hearing.

off to vivocity now. TAKE CARE PEOPLE (:

maybe we should just stop acting close.

2007-01-12T19:09:00.000-08:00

life's precious.
but sometimes you just cant find a meaning in it
we should all get going and be strong
when the tough gets stronger
and we shall become tougher.

melissa
dont study until like that.
you are stressing everyone out :(
i know you are stressed up too
sigh.
dont feel like living up to people's expectations
dont wanna do better than my cousins
dont wanna speak better than monique
dont wanna be as hardworking as melissa

dont want. dont want :(

2007-01-11T18:04:00.000-08:00

suddenly i found out that you are not the one i love.

2007-01-10T22:39:00.000-08:00

2 more days to jolene's birthday! 4 more days to karin's birhday! 5 more days to feezah's birthday! 6 more days to bankrupt!

i dont want to do the 1200-word essay.
i dont want to do it.
i dont want to study.
i dont want to work.
i just want to play
and waste my life away.

so tired. anyway, GROOMING COURSE WAS FUN. met amanda at rivervale mall in the morning 'cause we were too embarrased to step into e school compound; wearing skirts; compulsory. when we went in, we were like covering our faces and trying to run away from people we know. lol. it was interesting to kind of comment on people's dressing. the people taught us how to walk, sit, take things from the floor, take off coat, wear coat, de-shall prawn, eat bread (-.-''), drink soup, drink tea, eat chicken, leaving the bones still intact. blah blah. sat with jamie, yewleng, kailing, kim, sivi, yanyong. joanna went home rather early. hahahaa. it was so fun i tell you. we started eating before many others did. lol. and there was this kind of entertaining gay guy. haaaaa. it was a luxury wearing slippers because the rest were taking out their high heels because they caused many, many blisters on their legs. lol. and, ahahhaa. yanyong stepped on my slippers and e strap came off. it was only 10 plus okay. haaa. and we both screamed and suddenly sort of e whole class came and see if i need an extra shoes. haha. duh. yay. amelia to the rescue! she got extra shoes! luckily not high heels. lol. if not i would suffer like them. ahhahaa.

the food was horrible. not only because we waited so damn freaking long. but the prawn was SO small. i didnt like salad all these while. not evenly-mixed soup. very big chicken breasts that were so tough to chew. the cake was not bad. hahaa. yewleng and i were taking sivi, kim and kailing's prawns, and all the food of our instructor. lol. haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

TODAY'S GROOMING COURSE WAS FUN (:

people who haven go for e course, have fun!!

how are you. just happen to be missing and thinking of you. hope everything's fine on your side. take care (:
wondering when i'll ever see you again.

2007-01-09T20:18:00.000-08:00

JOLENE, KARIN, CYNTHIA, LYDIA, CHRISTABEL, LIJUN, PEISI, FEEZAH

please take care in CAMP. hope to see you guys soon. yay everyone. cynthia, we have a very nice plan right? JOLENE. who says it's for you huh. haaaaaa. stop smiling at the monitor screen. anyway, felt so embarrassed going out with cynthia yesterday. we actually cabbed to this place called Sengkang Community Hub just to get free face towel. shopped at cp. back to her house to take money? lol. shopped at cp again. bought 4 x 1kg flour. she brought them allllll to vivo city. ahahaaaaa. back to cp again. bought another 4 x 1kg flour. brought them home for her okay. she better be honoured. haa.

TAKE CARE EVERYONE.

what lies in front of us
and ahead of us
are little things being compared
to whatever within us.

2007-01-06T22:11:00.002-08:00

sad. :(

karin, don't quit np la. trainings are gonna be so dull without your screamings and scoldings. punishments would be tougher without you enduring with us. yam sengs are gonna be softer without your squeaky voice. footdrill is gonna be really BORING without you. juniors are gonna miss your scoldings. we are gonna miss a good leader. we are not gonna have nice nco shirts anymore. aiya. just so much to be typed.

don't go canada la. singapore's education is better. and you have us here. you know you need us. and you know we need you too. we are so gonna miss you like shit and i bet you would feel the same. if studying aint gonna make you happy, you can always do without it. can't just abandon us like that.

i love you karin lum.
and i love you more than anyone else, i swear.

feel so tired. chicken essence aint producing its effects in me. so tired. just came back from work. so tired. so tired. i wanna quit. but michelle, ziling, joanne, yanyou, nicole and ben all wanna quit too. -.-'' so tired. i need e energy to wake upppppppp. study.

heard this joke from kim. please laugh after you've read it.
''which part of your body resembles mickey and minnie mouse?''

'' this knee. ''

disney.

2007-01-06T22:11:00.000-08:00

2007-01-05T20:40:00.000-08:00

KARIN, ARE YOU BACK YET? MESSAGE ME WHEN YOU ARE BACK OKAYYYYY (: i still remember your handphone number though we never message for more than one month. I MISS YOU ANYWAY. see you tomorrow please? (: or tonight also can. asap la! ahhaha.

urghh. today was a bad day in school. lol. mel should know. shall not post it on the blog. hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa. anyway, SIVITRA YOU ROCKED. by telling 1400 students and 80 staffs to stop talking through the mike. HAHA. sivitra you rockedddddddddd. i love you, no wonder you were my anti-chewy last year. hahahaa. she said ''stop'' when everybody was so noisy in the hall. ahhahahaha. and the girly clique and e people around her laughed sooo much.

I LOVE YOU SIVITRA!

2007-01-03T20:52:00.000-08:00

first day of school reopens. -.-''

haha. cynthia was late. went to the hall for all the nonsense, only got released during recess can. wad the hell. dunoe why i talked very, very little in class compared to last year. it was so different. brrhh. i realised it was a very tedious thing to go around socialising with everyone, trying to make new friends who might not stand by you forever. shall not talk too much, later jolene and cynthia named me as ''emo''. haaa.

photo-taking. horrible.
'' so messy. ''
'' here. this part. ''
'' that part. ''
'' aiya forget it. just go in and take your photo. ''

HA. lol. wthh. whateverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. went jolene's house with cynthia after school. not immediately, but not so late either la. lol. watched Prison Break. it was very interesting although i fell asleep halfway. heh heh. den watched Whose Line Is It Anyway videos on youtube. had a good laugh, and now i realise who is the real perverted person among the 3 of us..

YES, JOLENE. IT'S YOU (:

2007-01-02T20:15:00.002-08:00

lalala..

haven't been updating about these few days. just went a lot of window shopping. also caught Night at the Museum. hahaha. the show damn nice. hereby recommending to people out there (: bought my school shoes. quite an o-biang design. but whatever okay. ahaa.

urghh.
school's reopening TOMORROW.
in 12 hours' time.
less than that okay.
and we would all be in the assembly area.
whatever you call that.
mmm
let me see.
sigh.
i went for the amath test.
and i didn't hand in whatever i had written on the foolscap.
ALL YANYONG'S FAULT.
lol.
luckily i dont have to go back school and hand in today.
i'll just hand in tomorrow.
yay mark trusts that i never edit anything on my foolscap!
ok.
homework now.
30 chinese newspaper cuttings.
i did 18.
1 with no reflection.
1 with no article.
okay whatever.
chemistry test.
haven study for it.
2 chinese assesment books.
only completed the multiple choice qns.
amath test is over.
yah that should be all.

urghhh.
'o' levels is coming.
yay.
everybody let's go and die! (:

-.-''

2007-01-01T01:00:00.000-08:00

shall do some reflections on 2006. very bored right now.

first day of school was alright for me.
because i had mel as my closest classmate (:
jolene got transferred out of 3faith suddenly
so mel and i felt a little bit disappointed with reduced entertainment level around us
anyway, mel, you rocked (:
didn't really like my form teacher
just felt that she was very last minute at everything
very high-pitched
and that reminded me of karin
but who would be as sexy as her! (:
my co-form was actually a very nice guy
just that i got irritated with him many times
because he taught at a very, very slow pace
yeahh..

beginning of 2007.
stressed.
MANY, MANY orientation trainings,
including SYF.
amanda and i were complaining about how tired we were
nevertheless, we enjoyed those tough trainings
with nice squadmates from area 7 and other schools.
atc was fun
but i swear syf trainings took up a lot of my time.
sometimes i asked myself why did i get so committed (whatever spelling; lazy to check the dictionary) into npcc.
and sometimes i felt like giving up
because i couldnt take the stress.

appointed as cca leader.
extra work load.
classmates were getting more hardworking, smarter
so i had to catch up
just in case i didn't fit in
and drop back to six-subject class.
planning of ug camp took up a lot of time too.

loved english lesssons
especially my english group
especially sivitra
my anti-chew partner.
pe lessons were even more exciting
with my pro tennis player, melissa
lynette was known as the pro in our class.
fun.

got closer to classmates
they were a bunch of really, really cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeee peoplee.

closer to eoy exams.
stressed like shit.
nevertheless, managed to pass
not really satisfied with my results
so, i'll do better this year.

a new year.
a new beginning.
hope that everything goes smoother than last year
i know it wouldn't be perfect
and so i'll just hope that i have e ability to stay strong no matter what happens.

(:

2006-12-31T19:10:00.000-08:00

lalala. just came back from work. actually it ended ay.la. just lazed around. chat with yanyou, joanne, ziling, ben and some of the other aunties. lalala. bored. asked to go countdown. but, it doesnt hold any significance to me. since life's gonna be the same, and i have no new year resolution, it'll just be another day for me.

'o' levels coming. going to be sec4 next year. can't imagine the stress i'll be going under. wonder if i can make it. wonder if i can have proper time management. wonder if npcc and work will make me go mad. i think they will. i wanna quit my job. sigh. anyway, it's not written in black and white. i should be able to leave i guess. anyway, which manager wants a crew who doesn't smile to customers. it's just so tiring okay.

please.
go and take a look at yourself in the mirror.
like as if you are so pretty.
fancy you being thickskinned going around saying others are ugly
though u didnt aim at me
but seriously,
actually you are quite pretty,
but now,
no longer.
your critisms spoilt your beauty, changed your character.

I DON'T WANNA MUG FOR 'O' LEVELS.
BUT I WILL DO MY VERY BEST
TO GET INTO MY DREAM SCHOOL
AND SUFFER HELL IN THERE
'CAUSE I KNOW
I MAY NOT LIKE JC LIFE
BUT I KNOW IT IS MORE SUITABLE COMPARED TO POLY LIFE
MEL, LET'S WORK HARD TOGETHER.
WE CAN DO IT.

2006-12-30T12:03:00.000-08:00

mm. so tomorow is the 31st! feel like going countdown at esplanade again (: just one year ago, somebody told me to move on. but that was one year ago.

i know that i've been busy these few days.
i'm unable to spend enough time with you before school reopens.
but all you have to remember is that,
you are on my mind every now and then (:

Verse 1:
Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved

Chorus:
If I could get another chance
Another walk, another dance with him,
I'd play a song that would never ever end
How I'd love love love, to dance with my father again

Verse 2:
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me(yeah, yeah)
Then finally make me do just what my momma said
Later that night, when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me

Chorus:
If I could steal
One final glance
One final step
One final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
Cause I'd love love love to dance with my father again

Verse 3:
Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
I'd hear how my mother cried for him
(x2) I'd pray for her even more than me

I know I'm praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don't do it usually
But dear Lord she's dying to dance with my father again

Every night I fall asleep
And this is all I ever dream

2006-12-28T19:18:00.000-08:00

lol.

had training today. felt a little bit disappointed. but nevermind. anyway, training was rather slack. didn't spend a lot of time with the cadets because lydia and i were going around finding teachers, sorting out spars, discussing the shelter design, discussing about tomorrow, getting permission to saw woods, having sector i/cs meeting and whatever. didn't get to lunch with many of my squadmates. but dined together (:

When I was 7
They said I was strange
I noticed that my eyes and hair weren't the same
I asked my parents if I was OK
They said you're more beautiful
And that's the way they showed that they wish
They had your smile
So my confidence was up for a while
I got real comfortable with my own style
I knew that they were only jealous cos

People are all the same
And we only get judged by what we do
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
So are you
So are you

There was a time when I felt like I cared
That I was shorter than everyone there
People made me feel like life was unfair
And I did things that made me ashamed
Cos I didn't know my body would change
I grew taller than them in more ways
But there will always be the one who will say
Something bad to make them feel great

People are all the same
And we only get judged by what we do
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
So are you
So are you

People are all the same
And we only get judged by what we do
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
So are you
So are you

Everybody talks bad about somebody else
And never realises how it affects somebody else
And you bet it won't be forgotten
Envy is the only thing it could be

Cos people are all the same
(The same, the same)
And we only get judged by what we do
(What we do, yeah, yeah)
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
(Yeah, you)
So are you
So are you

People are all the same
(Oh, oh, oh)
And we only get judged by what we do
(What we do, yeah)
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
(Yeah, so are you)
So are you
So are you

cynthia, i'll make you beautiful! (:

2006-12-26T23:19:00.000-08:00

YOU THINK YOU KNEW WHAT HAPPENED IS IT.
fucker.
BITCH.
whore.

never felt this bad before you BITCH.
hello.
dont act like as if you knew EVERYTHING.
when in fact you knew NOTHING AT ALL.
so dont assume you can sympathise with anyone
'CAUSE YOU SUCK.

BITCH.

2006-12-25T21:10:00.000-08:00

okay.
managers said i couldn't work at the counter.
'cause i couldnt smile;
scare customers away.
okay fine.
do you know it's very tiring to put on a fake smile everyday.
somemore it's to people i dont know;
i dont even want to know.
my life is too messed up until i find no reason to smile
i have no more energy left
to just create a grin for one time.
because my world is crashing
and it's no longer e same.

everybody's changing and i dont feel the same.

2006-12-25T13:17:00.000-08:00

i dont know what the hell is your problem, you irresponsible freak.
i dislike you like shit.
GO. AWAY.

very sick of my life.
i dont wanna study for the amath test tomorrow!
i dont wanna iron my full uniform.
i dont wanna polish my boots.
i dont wanna study for chem test.
i dont wanna study for 'o' levels.

i dont want you to leave.
because i love you so.
sigh.

2006-12-25T00:02:00.000-08:00

actually i'm not in the mood for christmas.
very frustrated.

I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.

2006-12-24T12:45:00.000-08:00

Just have a little patience I'm still hurting from a love I lost
I'm feeling your frustration that any minute all the pain will stop
just hold me close inside your arms tonight don't be too hard on my emotions

Cause I need time
My heart is numb has no feeling
So while I'm still healing just try and have a little patience

I really wanna start over again
I know you wanna be my salvation
the one that I can always depend
I'll try to be strong believe me
I'm trying to move on
it's complicated but understand me

Cause I need time
My heart is numb has no feeling
So while I'm still healing just try and have little patience yeah
Have a little patience yeah

Cause the scars run so deep it's been hard but I have to believe
have a little patience
have a little patience

Whooo cause i
I just need time
My heart is numb has no feeling so while I'm still healing
just try and have a little patience have a little patience
my heart is numb has no feeling so while I'm still healing
just try and have a little patience

woohoo. nice song.
NO MATTER WHAT, IT IS ALL OVER.
I AM NOT GONNA TROUBLE OVER WHAT HAS HAPPENED.
IM JUST GONNA LOOK AHEAD.
WITH YOU BY MY SIDE,
I'LL CHERISH,
AND TELL YOU THAT,
I LOVE YOU.

2006-12-24T00:08:00.000-08:00

was blogging halfway,
when suddenly my computer hanged.
sigh.
whatever.

i feel very frustrated.
sigh.
stop your accusations.
STOP.
i dont even know you
what gives you the reason that i was the one who started everything..
why cant you stop and think that partly was your fault.
you for being so fierce.
for being so impatient.
for tying someone down with a promise.

i feel very frustrated.
had a NIGHTMARE,
whereby mr pang complained about pioneering structures not attractive enough.
every year, npcc never fail to attract the many innocent sec1s.
sigh.
when i woke up,
bel messaged me about Pioneering stuffs.
sigh.
SO SICK OF IT.

sigh.
i just remembered
that there's this chemistry test when school reopens.
man.
KILL ME NOW.

to you: sorry for spoiling your mood just now. sorry.

i dont want to do anything now.
cant sleep.
cant do homework.
cant study.
cant play.
cant laugh.
cant think.
cant eat.
CANT ANYTHING.
just a useless bum.

2006-12-23T01:16:00.000-08:00

yanyong and i were laughing away on msn.
as in, really laughed until couldnt laugh anymore.
we typed sentences like ''AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA,''
or '' LOL YANYONG/YUEYONG. AWW.''

den suddenly i typed.
'' oi. i suddenly thought of 'o' levels.''
and you know what was her reply?
'' shit. i cannot find my bio book.''

haha.
sad.

2006-12-22T17:59:00.000-08:00

damn.
sigh.
i feel so, so lazy.
so stupid.
so everything bad.
tsk.
what the fucking hell am i talking.

everybody's chiong-ing for their 'o' levels.
but i'm not.
busy spending time playing, working, troubling over that stupid mad woman.
damn her.
I AM NOT PREPARED AT ALL.

just re-do the amath eoy paper last week.
realised i couldn't do some questions.
what the hell was wrong with me.
sigh.
maybe on the 26th, i would most probably get an 8 instead of 58 for my amath test.
sigh.

EVERYBODY LET'S NOT MUG TOGETHER.
i'm feeling stressed.
so stressed.
every day i have nightmare of my 'o' level results.
sigh.

i live to fulfil people's expectations.
just hope that they will stop comparing me with others..

ah well.
i wanna drop my sciences.
i feel that i'm not good enough for them.
i don't give a damn.
i just wanna lead a simple and happy life.
HAVING GOOD RESULTS IS NOT WHAT I WANT.
it is what you expect me to get.

sigh.
everybody let's mug TOGETHER.

2006-12-21T23:00:00.000-08:00

yes.
i know.
all my fault.
again.
i am sorry.
i didn't mean it.
i didn't mean to hurt you.
i didn't even mean to keep it from you.

i didnt mean it.
i didnt mean to hurt you.
i didnt even mean to keep it from you.

i'm sorry.
i didnt mean it.
i didnt mean to hurt you.
i didnt even mean to keep it from you.

i didnt mean it.
i didnt mean to hurt u.
i didnt even mean to keep it frm u.

i'm sorry.
i dunoe how to face you on saturday.
i'm sorry.
maybe i'll just get out of the outlet.

i'm sorry.
i didnt mean to mess up your life.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
it's all my fault.
i'm sorry.

I AM SERIOUSLY SORRY.
somebody kill me right now.
i didnt mean it.

but there's something you should know.
i've thought it over many times before i made that decision.
if it's all one-sided,
i wouldnt even get involved in it.

i'm sorry.
i wanted so much to tell you.
i wanted.
i never lie.
even though in the end i didn't,
it wasn't because i changed my mind.
it was because
somebody told me not to.

i am sorry.
for hurting you.
i didn't mean it.
i am sorry.
for all the pain i've inflicted into your mind,
i am sorry.

ripped apart.

i am sorry.

2006-12-21T12:20:00.000-08:00

OMG MELISSA.
I LOVE YOU SO DAMN BLOODY MUCH.
YOU ROCK MY LIFE.
AND YOU ROCKED 3FAITH.

TAKE CARE (:

i dont know. but i believe.
that some things are meant to be.
and that you'll make a better me.
everyday i love you.

i never thought that dreams came true.
but you showed me that they do
you know that i learn something new.
everyday i love you.

cause i believe.
that destiny.
is out of our control.
dont you know that i do
and you'll never live until you love
with all your heart and soul.

its a touch when i feel bad.
its a smile when i get mad.
all the little things i am.
everyday i love you.

everyday i love you more.
everyday i love you.

cause i believe
that destiny
is out of our control.
dont you know that i do
and you'll never live until you love
with all your heart and soul.

if i asked would you say yes?
together we are the very best.
i know that i am truly blessed.
everyday i love you.

and i'll give you my best.
everyday i love you.

okay. it's stupid singing a love song to nobody at all.
i'm so sorry i cant love you with all my heart and soul.
because i'm afraid of getting hurt.
and we've learned not to over-promise;
it's a mistake.
because we dont know what lies ahead of us.
TAKE CARE.

2006-12-20T20:34:00.000-08:00

sigh. holidays are gonna end soon. thinking back, i haven't been spending a lot of time on my studies. yes, im still in the process of completing my homework. and i'm gonna complete everything. but still, i only spent a little time studying geog, ss, math and chinese. maybe a little physics. and that's all. full stop. no big deal even if i've done my homework. everyone is expected to finish them too. amath test on 26th. KILL ME.

cant get you out of my head, even though you are so far away.
went punggol end today.
to you: WEI. DO CHEER UP. SHE'LL FIND IT IS STUPID SOME TIME LATER. TAKE CARE.

2006-12-20T19:19:00.000-08:00

YUEYING!
good morning. (:
MELISSA CLICK ME YOU!
you have been the biggest and nicest bird on earth. and i do love conferencing with you people. (:
"And you never live until you love with all your heart and soul"
i am going xanga post talk to myself again. haha.
okay. remember to click the link and listen to the song. its GREATTTTTTTTTTT.

2006-12-20T07:38:00.000-08:00

for my dear yueying,

click me.

thank you for bearing with me this whole year as i was being so wilful and playful. yeah. all the hide and seek games and laughing and playing and teasing and all during lessons.
you rock at yoshi.
yeah.
listen to the song okay. i like you very very much. (:

2006-12-20T07:23:00.000-08:00

2006-12-19T17:59:00.000-08:00

[X] You are afraid of public speaking.(stage fright)
[x] You find it hard to talk tostrangers.
[x] You don't like to look people in the eye.
[ ] You have trouble using public restrooms.
[x] You don't like to go shopping alone.
Total so far: 4

[x] Being introduced to new people makes you nervous.
[x] When you're in a group of people, it's difficult to think of what to say.
[X] You have a lot of trouble talking to the opposite sex.
[ ] You hate to be teased.
[X] You dread answering the door.
Total so far: 4

[X] You can't stand people watchingyou.
[X] One on one conversations make you nervous.
[ ] You don't like to ask people for help.
[ ] You hate to read aloud.
[ ]You don't like asking questions sometimes.
Total so far: 2

[x] You dread ordering food at restaurants.
[x] You are uncomfortable at parties, unless you know everyone well.
[ ] You don't like to talk, because you're afraid of being embarrassed by what you say.
[ ] You've been single for long periods of time, because you're so uncomfortable with dating.
[X] You wish you were more outgoing.
Total so far: 3

Add all the Xs and multiply by 5 to know how shy you are.
let me see.
65% shy.
haha.
really a lot.
lol.

2006-12-19T17:52:00.000-08:00

worked.

from 12pm to 4pm.
anyway, krismaine and janice came.
and krismaine was complaining about not having the chilli powder served to her.
haiyo.
poor janice.

ate yoshi food with Chloe.
lala.
yiyi came at 3pm.
but he started work at 4pm.
yeah.
nothing much.

no work tomorrow.
WHO WANNA DATE ME OUT.
hahaa.
kidding!

2006-12-19T02:54:00.000-08:00

it's already 3am now.
i can't sleep.
somebody screwed my wonderful night.
by saying things which totally spoilt my mood.

i'm screwed.
damn you.
i'm not gonna talk to you tomorrow, idiot.

i may seem small to everyone.
i may not know how many times i've been fooled.
i may be physically small;
short.
skinny.
or even fat.
i may not know e difference between a lie and a fact.
i may hold on to things which others find me stupid doing so.
i may be so blur until people gets so irritated with me.
i may learn things so slow until i feel that i'm not up to even a simple f&b job.
i may be doing so bad in my studies
that people gets disappointed in me.

BUT.

i have a brain.
i have a heart.
i have feelings.
i know what's going on around me, in my life.
i can feel all sorts of things emos feel.
i know how to be sad.
even when i dont want to.
and i just want to let you know that
i feel so unfairly treated
because she gets all the privileges
and that sucks, to me.
BECAUSE ME,
AS A PERSON WITH FEELINGS,
i dont know.

i have mixed feelings now.
wont let a kiss fool me.
dont worry.

2006-12-19T00:27:00.000-08:00

went work today.
supposed to report at 11am.
but i wanted to sleep!!
i worked 9 hours yesterday okay.
haha.
funny meh.
-.-''
lol.
so i started work at 12pm.
break time at 3 plus.
went roaming around in cp with yiyi.
for fun only la ok.

worked.
till 2130.
extended my time.
nth to do at home either.
so yeah.
reached home at 11pm because ..
NOTHING HAPPENED.
yay.

-.-''

2006-12-17T22:10:00.000-08:00

enough. is. enough.

wait till you know what you are thinking.
then come and talk to me.
for now.
no more late night calls.
dont miss-call me more than 15 times a day.
'cause i wont be picking up.

see you during work.

went to work today.
9 hours.
now my feets hurt like shit.
anyway, michelle had a heart attack suddenly.
and yiyi called everyone in yoshi to check her out.
'cause yiyi was at ang mo kio.
and i felt so lousy as a first-aider.
totally forgot all my first-aid notes.
shall read up soon.

TAKE CARE.

2006-12-17T01:14:00.000-08:00

good morning.

currently i aint asleep. was feeling tired at around 11pm until somebody had to disturb my sleep. sigh.

you were just aint clear of what your mind was thinking.
you werent even concentrating.
you were doing some other things.
dont tell me about the future;
the one you predicted.
because my world is totally different from yours.
and dont say you love me, if you dont even know me.
you cant possibly like 2 people at the same time.
you may think it's alright.
but to me,
IT'S NOT.

go. away.

KARIN. COME BACK SOON. OR RATHER, FLY HERE NOW. I MISS YOU SO DAMN NOT-BLOODY MUCH.

2006-12-16T22:01:00.000-08:00

HAPPY PTS DAY.

anyway, went expo Nike sale with sister and mother in the morning. it was quite boring because most of the things on sale were shoes. and i didn't really need them. the clothes didn't suit my taste and hence i didn't really touch any of them. supposed to meet jolene and cynthia but all of us were late. haha. jolene decided to meet me at PS first floor because she claimed that many people were giving out flyers at the mrt station. but nobody seemed to approach me. :( haha. whatever! ate lunch while waiting for cynthia to arrive. jolene wore fbt and cynthia and i were shunning her. haha. play play one la. 'cause we both dressed quite formally but jolene looked like she just came back from jogging. funny meh. hohoho. merry christmas.

caught a very gruesome show called Cinderella. it was so gruesome until.. very gruesome. cynthia, i will make you ugly!! there was this part which totally scared me until i didn't screamed at all; too traumatised. haha. wth lah. gruesome and bloody show. i bet cynthia now doesn't want to do facial and all that stuffs in the future. (: careful the fake person come and haunt you okay...

jolene got herself maluated by thinking that the Creative shop in PS sold e Zen V plus at a very much lower price compared to how much she had spent. aiyo! so we spent ard 20 minutes in the shop going gaga over nothing.

2006-12-15T19:15:00.000-08:00

dont be angry.

wei. thanks for your missed calls. pack lunch for you another day.

2006-12-14T21:28:00.000-08:00

OKAY.

next time i wont talk to you anymore.
during work.
during midnight.
during lunch.
next time i wont ask you any questions.
be it about your girlfriend.
about work.
about your life.
next time i wont go action city and buy mug with you anymore.
next time i wont hear you sing on the phone.
next time i wont let u hit me on my head.
next time i wont play basketball with you.

BECAUSE.
i feel nothing towards you.
and i swear i have NO feelings at all.
I SWEAR UNTIL I SWEAR SO MUCH.
wad the hell am i talking.
just in case you misunderstand everything.
I DONT LIKE YOU AT ALL.
okay.
maybe a litte.
I DONT LIKE YOU SO MUCH.
you dont occupy more than 1% in my heart.

okay.
that's all.
stop contacting.
since your girlfriend is back.
since people thinks i like you so damn bloody much.
since there's no need to communicate often since i'm quitting soon.

2006-12-14T17:45:00.000-08:00

mm. just got back from work. ''thanks'' mr chan and mr sim for ordering from me -.-'' ha. wth. my face was so red until i felt like digging a hole and hide myself inside. brr lalalala. mm. sigh. a number of colleagues quitting. yanyou, joanne, ziling. :( den only left me, nicole, chloe, yiyi and his girlfriend. NOT FUN ANYMORE.

and i dislike you. you idiot.
i know my performance is not up to your satisfaction.
you need not give me that get-off-my-back-you-lousy face every time you walk past me.
and i wanna quit when school reopens.
the latest, after new year.
if you are not gonna let me quit,
nothing will happen to you.
BUT.
you'll just let me dislike you more.

stupid. tired. slept at 3 plus yesterday. cynthia, why u hang up so early!! but, i still love you. more than yiyi (:

2006-12-14T00:54:00.000-08:00

bored.

i miss you.
at least it was better than staring at each other, not knowing what to do.
not knowing how to react.
at least we did smile.
at least there weren't any war between us.
at least i knew that after what had happened, i still could smile.
with you.
to you.

thanks for letting me know how stupid i was once.
i appreciate it, very much.

2006-12-13T23:23:00.000-08:00

i knew my service wasn't good enough.
i knew i couldnt arrange those bowls on the trays properly.
i knew my action was slow.
i knew i couldn't pack things nicely.
i knew i couldn't not give black face.
i knew i couldnt stand it when customers ordered many things.
i knew i was clumsy.

i should just quit. get out of f&b.

anyway, Samuel and Kevin came today. forgot to give Kevin soup. but i gave more drink okay. (:

oh. and i wanna thank yiyi and manager for helping me with the food. like as if you guys are gonna read this. -.-'' damn it.

i'm not good in anything.

2006-12-13T11:25:00.000-08:00

okay. leaving to meet yanyou to do homework soon. den have to start work at 4pm. dunoe how many of my squadmates will be at my outlet. T_T

anyway, my eyes are hurting now. have been chatting with that yiyi almost every day till 2 plus. wth. and of course, cynthia was in the conversation too. shhh.

I LOVE YOU CYNTHIA (:

2006-12-12T23:15:00.000-08:00

Intro:-Ah yeah thats right
All you single people out there
This is for you
Yeah

Verse 1:-
Im not waitin' around for a man to save me
(Cos Im happy where I am)
Dont depend on a guy to validate me
(No no)
I dont need to be anyones baby
(Is that so hard to understand?)
No I dont need another half to make me, whole

Make your move if you want doesnt mean I will or wont
Im free to make my mind up you either got it or you dont

Chorus:-
This is my current single status
My decleration of independence
Theres no way Im tradin' places
Right now a stars in the ascendance

Im single
(Right now)
Thats how I wanna be
Im single
(Right now)
Thats how I wanna be

Yeah, uh huh, thats right

Verse 2:-
Dont need to be on somebodys arm to look good
(I like who I am)
Im not saying I dont wanna fall in love cause I would
Im not gonna get hooked up just cause you say I should
(Cant romance on demand)
Im gonna wait so Im sorry if you misunderstood

ooohh yeah

Chorus:-
This is my current single status
My decleration of independence
Theres no way Im tradin' places
Right now a stars in the ascendance

Im single
(Right now)
Thats how I wanna be
Im single
Thats how I wanna be
(Right Now)
Im single
(Right now)
Thats how I wanna be
(Right Now )
Im single, oh oh ooh

Verse 3:-
Everything in its right time
Everything in its right place
I know I'll settle down one day
But 'til then I like it this way...
Its my way
Eh, I like it this way, eh

Make your move if you want doesnt mean I will or wont
Im free to make my mind up you either got it or you dont
'til then Im single

Chorus:-
This is my current single status
My decleration of independence
Theres no way Im tradi'n places
Right now a stars in the ascendance

This is my current single status
My decleration of independence
Theres no way Im tradin' places (Right now a star)
Right now a stars in the ascendance

Im single
(Right now)
Thats how I wanna
Im single
(Right now)
Thats how I wanna be
Im single
(Right now)
Thats how I wanna
Im single woooh
Thats how i wanna be
ooh ooh ooh ooh oooh oooh

AND I WANNA THANK MELISSA NG JIA HUI AND BERNICE YAM BERNORT FOR KEEPING MY RECEIPTS FOR WHATEVER FOOD THEY HAVE ORDERED. I LOVE YOU TWO VERY VERY MUCH (:

2006-12-12T17:11:00.000-08:00

okay. cynthia is in love now. *slaps her face* WAKE UP.

he's dying.
of starvation.
of thirst.
due to insufficient income.

nobody patronizes his shop.
wait.
he doesn't even own one.
he doesnt have that minimal amount to start a business.

his son is dying, too.
nobody cares about them.
they have no books to read.
hence they cant upgrade themselves.
they cant secure a stable job.
nobody gives a damn about how poor they currently are.

oh.
my zafara and his petpet. :(

went to work today. mmmmm. quite fun la. was a bit scared of ziling. many customers strolled in at around 2 to 3 plus. brrrr. nothing much. yiyi and his girlfriend came. mm. lalala.

work tomorrow. i wanna tell you that, i miss you, very much.

and to you. please take care. it is raining right now.
nvm. someone else will take care of you.

2006-12-11T18:34:00.000-08:00

he's... dying.

my neopet!!

who cares.

headache.

cynthia, got ready your chopper already? booked the air tickets? to korea? asap one okay? pose her ''WANTED'' photo at the cheakpoint already? planted e bomb to put in SQ123456789 (whichever she's on) ? if not, do it quick!!

2006-12-11T12:16:00.000-08:00

BORED.

no work today.

anyway, went church yesterday. went to buy shoe with sister and dad after that. and they sent me off to compass. met yanyou for lunch at the usual place.. my workplace la. chat with people like nicole, ben, joanne blah blah. den ziling had a verbal fight with an uncle u noe. so scary. and now i dont dare to talk to ziling. :( how. tmr only ziling and i in-charge of the 2 counters. some back-up please! scared of ziling. :(

supposed to have a conference yesterday. i mean, we had one. but before that, cynthia called to ask me to take photo of yiyi's gf. reminded me to bring chopper. haha. ben, yanyou, and joanne supposed to call my hp. but joanne didnt want, and yanyou was busy.. so, ben called me first la.
-.-'' we seriously talked crap okay. den yanyou called. crap-ed. yanyou left. den only ben and i again -.-'' haha. slept at 2am after that. (:

2006-12-09T21:49:00.000-08:00

mm. so bored. haha. haven't been updating properly these few weeks i guess. all the lyrics and crap. mm anyway..........................................

jolene has got her jacket.
grace has got her water bottle.
i have got my bag.

grace is going to get her shirt.
bel is going to get her jacket.

all from adidas. everyone's happy (:

went to play badminton with grace, cynthia and jolene today. lol. everybody was good la cynthia (: you did improve; just that u perspired lesser. LOVE YOU ALL (:

met bel at citylink; some MPH bookstore, which she claimed to be ''TIMES''. lame right. say yes. ok. all of us went many adidas branches 'cause i had only one 30% adidas discount coupon. lol. went to those at suntec, citylink, and wheelock place. bel didnt get her stuff. and yay. jolene, you are happy now (:

on e train back to sengkang, GRACE EMBARRASSED US. wthh. at somerset mrt station somemore; a lot of people on the train. haha. shall not mention what she said. lol.

went cp with grace, cynthia and bel. CP YOSHI. hahaha. talking to the colleagues and cynthia got so quiet. -.-'' and she lost the bet to me. cynthia, u want any more receipts!! (: mimi, bibi, oror, oinkoink, yiyi. cynthia and grace went to pierce their ears. haha. grace was already told not to jump okay!! but she screamed, and all the people there jumped when the stud went through her ear. aiyoooo.

i miss you. cynthia, 3 days' grace.

2006-12-08T12:18:00.000-08:00

Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can't explain myself at all.
And all that wants
And all that needs
All I don't want to need at all.

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight
It ends tonight.

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can't explain what you can't explain.
Your finding things that you didn't know
I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

[Chorus]
When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight will make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Now I'm on my own side
It's better than being on your side
It's my fault when your blind
It's better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside
Now you're the first to know

[Chorus x2]

2006-12-08T12:06:00.000-08:00

work was.. not bad. people there were.. okay. scalded my hand with hot soup. lol. customer scolded me for not packing the food properly. mm den some people happened to patronize that outlet.. mm sigh. nothing much. TAKE CARE. hope that work will be easier today. (:

2006-12-07T11:36:00.000-08:00

hello. goodbye.

2006-12-06T20:49:00.001-08:00

i dont know you. and you dont know me, either.

sent adeline off to india on saturday. saw genevive, mallory and desiree too. -.-'' lala. nothing much.

somebody is suppose to accompany me go work tomorrow.

2006-12-06T20:49:00.000-08:00

i dont know you. and you dont know me, either.

sent adeline off to india on saturday. saw genevive, mallory and desiree too. -.-'' lala. nothing much.

2006-12-05T20:52:00.000-08:00

know what. i have not completed my jian bao, and the chinese assesment book, plus those cheem questions in the chemistry tys. feel so sad for myself.

malaysia tmr! pray that i can find one cheap-yet-good-quality mp3 there! (: or if i'm lucky enough.. a Zen V plus is enough. haha. (:

2006-12-05T17:45:00.000-08:00

Honestly what will become of me
Don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really life is dandy
We are what we don't see
Miss everything daydreaming

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end

Traveling I always stop at exits
Wondering if i'll stay
Young and restless
Living this way
I stress less
I want to pull away when the dream dies
The pain sets in and I don't cry
I only feel gravity and
I wonder why

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end

And the dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon
So that they could..

Dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon soon
so that they could die
Diee..... Diee..... Diee......

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
When the dogs were barking at the new moon

Whistling a new tune
Hoping it would come soon
And the sun was wondering if
it should stay away for a day

Til the feeling went away
And the sky was falling and
the clouds were dropping
And the rainfall forgot how to bring salvation
The dogs were barking at the new moon
Whistling a new tune
hoping it would come soon
So that they could die

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, Worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, Going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, No expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrows
No tomorrow, No tomorrow

Chorus
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which i'm dying, Are the best I'be ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very very
Mad World, Mad World

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And they feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, Sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, No one knew me
Hello teacher tell me whats my lesson
Look right through me, Look right through me

Chorus
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which i'm dying, Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very very
Mad World, Mad World

Enlargen your world

Mad World

2006-12-05T13:03:00.000-08:00

went for Pieces of Jade. suddenly all of us were wearing so formally; a bit awkward.

things will never be the same without you.

2006-12-04T09:57:00.000-08:00

so bored.

yay. Pieces of Jade play tonight! (:

2006-12-03T09:50:00.000-08:00

mmmmm hmmmmm
Oh i'm missin' you
Baby I'm missin' you
Mmm eyyy hmmm
Baby I'm missing you

Things'll never be the same without you...

~~What did I do to deserve this~~
I didn't even get one last kiss, from you
Oh baby
God took your love from me
He needed an angel so it seems
I need to feel your hands all over me
I need to feel you kissing me
I need to feel you holding me
I need to feel your touch
Cause I miss your love so much
And I can't keep on living this way
I need you here with me
Why could he take you away, from me

It's hard for me to tell you
I love you
~~As I'm standing over your grave~~
And I know
I'll never hear your voice again
Why did you leave me
~~Why couldn't you just stay~~
Because my world is nothin', without you
Now I don't know what to do, with myself

I would've given you everything
Just to make you happy
Just to hear you say, that you love me one last time
i'd go to hell and back over and over again
Just to prove to you how much I need you here
There is nothing that I wouldn't do
i'ld cry for yo
I'ld lie for you
And there's no doubt that if
I could take your place in heaven I would die for you, yes I will
I would rather give up my life
Than to see tears in your eyes
I can't stand to see you cry

cause it's hard for me to tell you
I love you
s i'm standing over ur grave
And I know
i'll never hear your voice again
Why did you leave me
Why couldn't you just stay babe
Because my world is nothin', without you
Now I don't know what to do, with myself

I just don't know what to do with myself
I cant stand looking at those pictures on my shelf
~~Knowing it was just one week ago, i stood there and took that picture~~
There just one thing that I wanna know
~~Why would God want to hurt me so bad,~~
Does He know how much it hurts to be missing you
Baby Im missing you
Baby Im missing you
I love you

ooohh
God damn it I love you
Why did he did he take you away from... me
Cause I love you so...
I miss you so much baby
I just can't go on baby
Ohhhh oh

2006-12-03T08:59:00.000-08:00

don't understand means don't understand.
don't understand means trying but still dont get e whole picture.
don't understand means being so stupid unknowingly until e person whom you are cheering finds you irritating.

blame it on my stupidity.

2006-12-02T19:54:00.000-08:00

slipping off the edge.

mm. so many people asked me what's wrong with me these few days. -.-'' what's wrong. nothing's wrong what. just that i'm beginning to keep some stuffs to myself, and nothing else.

don't tell me to cheer up if you are not gonna do anything about it.
don't say you'll be there if you won't.
don't tell me you missed me when you mentioned everyone except me.
don't expect me to know when every single time i tried to cheer you up, you said I DIDNT UNDERSTAND.

but yes.
i tried.

she's mature.
she can understand everything i can't.
she can get the whole picture by just listening to you once.
she has been your best friend since sec1; i'm just a friend who came along some time later.
i'm just trying to fit in.
but right now, i'll stop.

you just go and talk to her. and don't talk to me. glad that you've found a best friend. wait. she has never leave you before. wth am i talking then. fuck.

disconnection from this whole wide torturing world.

2006-11-30T21:56:00.000-08:00

work was fun today. walked in the rain. haha. many people were there. and i thought joleen kind of entertained me well; the best working partner (: anyway, joleen and i lost around 700+ flyers. if he docks our pay, we have to pay around $45 dollars each :( we were walking back from mac and suddenly we found them missing. went to find garang guni men, one of them happened to be a RC member. so together with him, we searched the whole building with 440 units for the person they thought could have taken dem.. but she didn't take them; somebody else instead. spent around 1.5 hours finding, but to no avail.

called flyer vincent up. luckily he never scold, but said we'ld settle it tomorrow. :(

2006-11-29T19:27:00.000-08:00

mm. just read my past entry. chill, yue ying. chill. sigh.

i'm feeling so bored. suppose to blog about amanda lau regarding what we did during CIP this morning. ah well.

firstly, i couldn't do without her, my best and only great CIP partner (: she made the CIP hours so enjoyable. when i did cip hours with my cousin yesterday, it wasn't that fun, at all. anyway, amanda and i were both late in the morning. the retarded her did not dare to enter the library because the gate seemed locked. and it reminded me of NCO camp, whereby melissa and feezah tricked more than 30 people (: anyway, she even wanted to enter by the back door, which was next to the toilet. haha.

secondly, it was very hilarious to see each other's lethargic face. hahaa. serious. and we were entertained by power 98 fm too. lalala. went to buy 5 bread each for lunch. ate in the staff room. ahaha. my mouth had hole; much of my food didn't go in, dropped on the floor instead. mm. lalalala. (:

by 1230pm, we were already very tired. shelved the books at the trolley only. and went to read magazines. lalala.

YAY. there's christmas tree in my house already. very nice (:

I LOVE MY CIP PARTNER LOTS!
remember yifeng's divided into 4;
shared by you, cynthia, xin and me. (:

haha. i shall type many many things now.
cynthia: BOO, yifeng's fan. i miss you lots. catch up soon yeah. before Pieces of Jade play or something. which keychain do you want for christmas? (:

jolene: WATER GIRL! haha. i miss you too. shall call you tonight. but do not drive me away again okay. i love you (:

karin: haha. KARIN LUM! i miss you more and more. do take care in toronto... and remember my souvenir okay! (:

atiqa: BOO. i think i dreamt of you again. be honoured yeah, pretty. (:

MELISSA: HEY. I MISS YOU MANY. faster come back. it was tough going through the date we disliked alone. MISS YOU (:

bernice, feezah: hey. lalalala. bird! you've never sent me such a long sms before! haha. though it was only 2 sentences. but well, i still miss you. and crap, come for 2nd class retest ok? i cant wait to see your langkah (:

lijun, peisi, lydia: BOO. take care everyone! see you on 16th december (:

anybody wanna contribute presents for me to put under the christmas tree?
i know what i want for christmas already.
you better give it to me (:

{IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU?}
1) Cried: no.
2) Bought something: yes. food.
3) gotten sick : mm. love sick counted? haha. no.
4) Done anything illegal: no.
5) Eaten: yeah.
6) met someone new: no. i dont bother.
7) Fought with your parents: no.
8) Dreamed about someone you can't be with: yes.
9) Would you rather be with friends or on a date: depends. i need friends even if i have a stead.
10) Where is the best hangout: depends.
11) Do you have a job: yes.
12) Who have you known the longest out of Best friends: all are the same. (:
13) Who do you argue the most with: the person who is thinking if it's her right now.
14) Who do you always get along with?: those usual people.
15) Who do you chat the most to?: i, don't know, either. maybe jolene, or nicholas.

{ random}
1) Do you like filling these out?: not at all.
2) How many people are you sending this to?: none.
3) How many people will send this back?: how would i know ah?
4) What was the last film you saw at the movies: Step Up.
6) Best friend or friends that stand out: cynthia, jolene, amanda, karin.
7) Sexiest friend: karin.
8) Funniest friend: cynthia. and the most disgusting one (:
9) Smartest friend: christabel (:
10) Blondest friend: amanda.
11) Shyest friend: jolene.
12) Cutest friend: amanda.
13) quiet friend: bernice
14) Nicest friend: karin.
15) Most talented friend : melissa.
16) Who do u get advice from: nobody bothers.
17) Most desperate friend:cynthia.

random.

2006-11-28T14:26:00.000-08:00

ok i'm back.

work was so horrible yesterday. nevermind. found a new job. hahaa. shall not say it here. in case somebody who dislikes me so much will go there and bash me up. whatever.

mm. cip was horrible too. amanda and i were so tortured. haha. lalala.

i dreamt that peace existed between me and you.
how could that possibly be.
when you dislike me so much.
and i can't stand the sight of you.
omg you suck.

2006-11-28T02:26:00.000-08:00

2006-11-27T15:13:00.000-08:00

mm. i'm getting so bored right now. heard that many of my classmates are studying. but i'm really lazy to read those notes i used during exams again. hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. SO BORED. and i'm aching all over. but guess today's the only day i'm free besides saturday and sunday.

monday: stay at home.
tuesday: do CIP, work.
wednesday: meet jolene/go out with sister/meet up with grace.
thursday: do cip, work.
friday: do cip, work.

i'm so lazy. can't stand myself. haha.

2006-11-27T01:22:00.000-08:00

happy yoyo's day.

i'm awake. was talking to lijun on the phone just now. and she had 28 people calling her since 7pm. -.-'' put down that phone at around 2330. den got a phone call from nicholas. so, chat until now.. just hang up. haha. lied to him that i was gonna sleep. so he finally agreed to end the conversation. he was tired. mm. but i guess, i'm tired too.

mm. went church today. and rushed to meet cousin and some lamers. went to work. you know not how horrible it was!! anyway, earned 20 bucks. getting pay on friday. hope the Vincent person won't cheat me of my money before he gets sued in court. hohoho.

coming across the word ''hohoho''... i'm thinking of the upcoming christmas. maybe i'll be staying over at a church friend's house after the mass which ends at 1am on 25th december.

thinking of the past.
feeling stupid.
i miss you.
and. i. really. do.

anyway, lamer, i owe you quite a lot. and the fierce girl.

2006-11-25T22:42:00.000-08:00

SO BORED. and hungry. haha. let's see.

jolene: indonesia.
bernice, melissa, cecilia: thailand.
feezah: bangkok.
lijun: kuala lumpur.
karin: canada.
cynthia: should be sleeping.
amanda: watching tv.
grace: somewhere overseas. haa.

soon:
amanda - japan.
me - malaysia sale!!!
peisi- australia.
karin- U.S.A.

so bored la. brrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. lalalalalaalalalalalallalalalalala. eat, sleep, play.

anyway, there's a sale in Malaysia! from december till january. yay!!! gonna buy many things from the nike and converse shops there. (:

2006-11-24T20:10:00.000-08:00

wanted so much to go out today, or even now. but every one's busy and unavailable, leaving me to rot and die at home. so i guess at a certain moment when i can't take it anymore, because i can't find the ideal person to confide in, i'll just, i dont know. whatever.

happy 1 year anniversary.

i don't wanna face all these alone.

2006-11-23T22:35:00.000-08:00

this is suppose to be an entry only about amanda lau pei ying. but i guesssssssssssssssss, haha. shall please her some other time.

anyway, jolene and lijun came to my house today. so they fell asleep while listening to me play the Shan hu hai song on the keyboard. -.-'' too nice, i guess. haha. went off to meet amanda next to complete 4 hours of CIP.

there, we were mentally tortured again. while we were arranging the books, amanda shouted suddenly,'' JAY CHOU!!!!!!!!" i went ''HUH'' and skipped next to her. den the 2 guys who were working there gave us that ''diao'' look. hahaa. shelving books could be a boring and yet fun thing at the same time. amanda and i would hide behind the shelves and scare each other. -.-'' and also read those books which were supposed to be shelved. haha. we slacked for half an hour, eating those food meant for the workers. aiyo.

every day i'm trying to make it through this life i'm in.

2006-11-23T11:13:00.000-08:00

mmm. 23rd; today.

just woke up. got headache. hahaha. and cynthia, i am 26. not 27. checked up the dictionary on the word ''inch''. one inch= 2.54 cm. lalala. shh.

4 hours of CIP later. hope that nobody catches me shelf books there. brrh. embarrassing. haha.

2006-11-22T20:50:00.000-08:00

i'm home-d. ok. prom was yesterday night. 'o' levels'2005 ended on this date last year. whatever.

went jolene's house in the morning. didn't had breakfast with amanda and jolene because lijun and i were late. haha. woke up late. and they said i looked nerdy with my new specs. really..? :( i thought frameless specs would be okay. haha. anyway, lijun became my food supplier. she brought soo much food for me! ocean creatures, ba gua, white wheel, hello pandas, sweets, chocolates, plain water!

watched vcd at jolene's house. and video-taped somewhere else after that. haha. think jolene dont want me to mention the details here. (: went cp with lijun and amanda next. walked. lijun left. completed 2 hours of CIP in Sengkang Community Library.

basically we were tortured; mentally. IT WAS SO BORING! :( amanda and i were like,'' since when yueying/amanda will do this kind of thing.. our hands are suppose to only touch gold.'' haha. anyway, the 2 aunties were nice. but the supervisor was... scary-looking. hohoho. merry christmas.

she was there when she knew she was sick.
she sms-ed her every night when she was sick.
she gave her warm water when she was sick.

she doesn't know that she is sick.

2006-11-21T22:35:00.000-08:00

just reached home. bro bad mood. :(

lalalalalala. hahahaa. anyway, went Police Coast Guard visit at PSA with my squadmates today. before that, had meeting on Total Defence Gold. den blah blah. P.C.G. was boring. went Hougang Mall with cynthia, jolene and cecilia. hahahaa. ateee our lunch.

the thing was, cynthia felt her stomach real pain throughout e whole time. and while she was topping up the card, cecilia asked if she wanted a plastic bag (in case she vomits). but she didn't want. how stubborn could she get. *shakeshead*

and she suddenly vomited. cecilia ran ard 5 metres away from her with the plastic bag, squat down and laughed until stomach ache. hahaa. cynthia was holding her breakfast, lunch and.. tea-break food? in liquid form, that is. hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. den she said,'' i want plastic bag.'' she sounded horrible because her mouth was filled with rubbish. so i was nice enough to help her take the plastic bag from the traumatised cecilia tan and gave it to her.

jolene was running away to find toilet already. cecilia still squating down and laughing until she almost laid on the floor. and guess what. i asked cynthia to look at me with her vomit in her hand and take a photo. hahaha.

caught Step Up with kongrui, juliana, and the 3 of them. nice show. after that, we were all dancing away. after that, they were being disgusting on the train. cynthia, kongrui and me were so innocent la. aiyo. anyway, carmen, if u are reading this, dont worry. i'll watch movie with u one day. hahahaha.

Step Up rocked. wanted to watch Final Call or Colic. but guessed i was the only brave one there. hohoho. merry christmas. in 1 month and 4 days' time?

no. 3 more days, and i'm dead; tired, inside-out.

ok. suddenly have so many things to blog about. yet i seem to be unable to type anything out. and i wonder why.

to you: i'm glad you've made ur choice. please remember what you've said, and what you've promised to yourself. stay strong, and i know you can move on. take care.

to you: i think you dislike me. no. i know you detest me. and sometimes you find it very irritating to talk to me because i'm still holding on. and i think you find it annoying because whatever i do is wrong, and whenever i argue with her, i know she wins. and i know right now somebody's probably going to hack me into pieces, using the sharpest knife she will go all out to find, just to get rid of me. anyway, despite all this, i'm gonna make you angry again. by saying, i love you so.

2006-11-21T00:48:00.000-08:00

3 more days.

i dreamt that before 2nd class drill test, i saw atiqa sleeping on the floor with her full uniform, inside the npcc store.... den i was like. '' ATIQA !! ur badges not polishes, and are tooooooooo close together!! '' den she jumped up u noe. and said my badges were the same.

end.

2006-11-20T00:34:00.000-08:00

just call out my name
and i'll be there;
just to show how much i care.

That I want you here tonight
And I need you by my side
For just one more moment
For just one more moment with you.

sigh. why am i thinking about you again. sigh.

2006-11-20T00:07:00.000-08:00

tu amor.

nice song. mm. sigh. tired. sigh. haha. don't know what to say. so i still have tomorrow to slack yeah.. mm sigh.

don't know what to say. i'm missing you badly. i know this seems stupid for me clinging on to something stupid. but all i know is that loving you, was never once a stupid thing. though i was the stupid one.

what's with all the ''stupid''s here and there, stupid? haha. stupid. sigh.

a bunch of loners calling for a gathering? sigh.
everyone feels they are loners.
but who's the left out one.
let me pair everyone up okay.
bernice and melissa.
christabel and feezah.
jolene and cynthia.
karin and amanda.
atiqa and jieying.
lijun and peisi.
lydia and regina.
cecilia and jamine.
haha. isn't that true. see. i can be a wedding planner next time if i'm jobless... sigh. WHATEVER.

went vivocity with my mother just now. shopped for 3 hours straight. wanted to buy the puma dunks. but when i showed it to her, she was like,'' WOAH. so ugly.'' -.-'' so i bought some other converse-lookalike shoe. haha. not bad. whatever.

2006-11-19T10:09:00.000-08:00

i dont wanna do this anymore.
i dont wanna be the reason why
every time i walk out the door
i see him hurt a little more inside.

woo. ''unfaithful'' is such a niceeeeeeeeee songggggggggg!!! haha. anyway, slept for17 hours straight. so i just woke up. mm. sent karin off yesterday with cynthia, charmaine and denise. mm sigh. promised i'll be there on the 5th january to pick her up. haha. anyway, npcc activities killed me. so tired. mm sigh..

i dont wanna take away his life.
i dont wanna be.. a murderer.